oh summertime, you devil you.
this year is now halfway over, and it has been nothing but life changing. having a baby is always life changing i suppose. but this one has done things to me, given me motivation and inspiration and strength and a whole new outlook on life. i didn't think i needed a new outlook on life. i like to think the one i had was pretty grand. but somehow, each year i change.
and change has a scary reputation, don't you think? people think it's a bad thing, people fear it, people don't want the people they love to experience it. stay the same! i like you how you are and i don't want you to change a thing! but the reality of it is, change is so very good. we need to change. i don't know about you but i wouldn't want to go a year, let alone a lifetime, without learning and growing and becoming a different person-a better person.
i love changing. i love looking back on previous years and feeling nostalgic while also feeling just so very proud. proud because i have grown so much. proud because i have moved on and put things in the past. proud because i am stronger and better and wiser.
since baby b arrived this year he has truly inspired me and oh how i love him for that. i feel like an artist and he is my muse.
in the darkest times of three hours of sleep a night and staying up all day long to take care of these boys, he has made me feel like a woman with super powers who can accomplish anything. in stretching my body and putting me at my highest weight on the scale, he has motivated me to work harder and really push myself to see my body change-in which i have found more strength than i knew i had. in walking circles around the house for hours at a time to get him to sleep while he refuses to take a binky, he has given me patience. in his swimming blue eyes and his sweet coos and his recent smiles, he has filled my heart with pride and happiness.
sometimes i think having children is a test. it feels like one of those obstacle courses that they take to get into the police academy. i'm running faster than i feel like i can, i'm hopping through tires and climbing ropes in ninety degree heat. it's hard work that really pushes you, sometimes to the point where you aren't sure if you can even do it. but you do. and while i'm wiping the sweat from my brow i'm also experiencing so many moments that make everything worthwhile, moments that fill my heart right up. it's so perfect, raising these boys. hard and beautiful and perfect. while i'm shaping them into who they will become, they are shaping me into who i will become. it's so damn beautiful.
this year has taught me and brought me so much joy from all of it, and in that-this year has been life changing.
life is so lovely that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment