today my head is fuzzy and my hips are tremendously achy. it hasn't been the best week for sleeping, and last night was no exception. the j man crashed on the playroom floor at 6:00 and slept until 11:00, when suddenly he was wide awake and ready for "bwek-fust". I think I fell back asleep around 3:00 and now I'm kind of this mess of not knowing what time it is or what day it is or what my name is.

i'm also recovering from three slices of ranch-dipped pizza and a cookie dough overload. as jace slept soundly on the floor last night, i used the time to my advantage and plopped my rear on the couch to watch reruns of desperate housewives while i gorged myself in foods that i knew i would regret eating. those kind of bad decisions come back to haunt me quickly, as i was reminded when my heartburn kicked in at midnight.

but. yesterday i did take the day off work due to some last minute unforeseen daycare circumstances, and even though it put me out at first it turns out that a day off work might have been exactly what i needed. i was just recently telling myself that i don't have time for anything these days, anything meaning cleaning my house or taking needed naps. i've been putting in extra hours at the office, and when i'm home i have profound guilt if i'm not spending my time with jace or taking my dog on walks. so sleeping and cleaning are low on my priority list, let's just say. top it off with not sleeping at nights and, well, i'm always tired and my house is always dirty.

so when i found myself having the day off work on a blustery thursday, i called it fate and set out to do the things i never ever have time to do anymore. i spent the entire morning cleaning the entire house, minus mopping the kitchen floors because how do you mop the floors with a three year old running around? you don't. but i'm caught up on laundry and vacuuming and dusting and decluttering, and i feel mighty proud and mighty peaceful now. i rewarded myself with a grilled chicken go wrap and a large dr pepper, and then my sweet boy even let me take a twenty minute nap while he played with his toys that afternoon. a twenty minute nap, and isn't that heavenly?! the one thing that could make my 8 month pregnant life a little easier is if i had more time for those twenty minute naps. they sure are wonderful.

so it all worked out, is what i'm saying. little dude has a slightly annoying cough and runny nose but he's in high spirits, even with this out of whack sleeping schedule that he's put us through this week. and i suppose i'm grateful that once this baby comes i won't have not-sleeping-enough-shock, because i'll be quite used to it by then. in fact, i'm anticipating sleeping better when he arrives. so there's that.

and some more good news is that it's friday! my favorite day of the week! well it's tied with sunday, if not that sunday actually wins out a little bit because oh how i love our sundays. but fridays are grand too.

this year has been strange. i've overall quite enjoyed being pregnant, and even though i'm so uncomfortable these days i find myself aware that once beck arrives i will be missing this a little bit. the bump and the kicks and the constant companionship. i'm excited for him to come, but i really will miss this baby bump. and the strangeness of the year comes from the fact that: when you're pregnant, your life sort of gets put on hold for 9 months. (that's a lie you know, pregnancy is actually 10 months.) most things that i want to do, i can't really do. i can't go running and i can't sign up for yoga classes at the new yoga center in the valley. i can't work on my abs and do a zumba class with my girlfriends and go shopping for a new swimsuit. i can't plan a rock climbing date night, or a lake powell getaway trip, or a weekend in vegas. i can't go shopping for new jeans. and i really, really miss shopping for new jeans. it's all just on hold and waiting for a baby to arrive. i'm not fully me because i'm sort of living my life for two right now, literally, and most things are just...on hold. it's all just waiting for this little person that i'm creating to come join us in the world. it really brings out the side of motherhood that is incredibly selfless, putting your life on hold and going through some really crazy changes so that you can bring a child into the world.

this week i started planning my post-pregnancy eating and exercise routine and it got me very excited and also a little sad. soon i will have this body back all to myself, i won't be sharing it with another human being. possibly for the last time ever. and isn't that sad? but it's been a long time coming so it's also exciting. pregnancy can stretch so long that you sometimes forget what it was like to not be pregnant.

but i'm babbling. sorry.

anyway, next week is may. can you believe that? i love springtime. i love the month of may. we are really looking forward to summertime this year, camping and adventures and roadtrips and bbq's and lots of roasting s'mores. jace is at such a fun age for summer adventures, and it's just his luck that mom happens to be taking the summer off work. a full summer together with a newborn baby in tow, and we are so looking forward to it!

yes, we like the sound of may. everything else is just on the horizon now.

happy friday!



  1. I'm glad you're able to see positive things about being pregnant, even though life is on hold. Sometimes I wish I'd had babies younger when I was more naive about them because I'm finding I'm actually pretty selfish about my body changing and life getting put on hold. I hope if/when the time comes for me to have a baby I can stay positive because sometimes I feel like I'll just be depressed. I'm sorry, but that's a little honestly from me.

    1. Manette! Sorry I am so slow to respond. But the truth is, being selfish is okay sometimes. These kinds of life changing decisions should never be taken lightly! I'm glad you are so realistic about the children thing, because I honestly believe there are wayyy too many girls who don't take it seriously or don't understand the seriousness. But that being said, if you ever did decide to have children I would bet that you would be pleasantly surprised at how worth it they are. Somehow all of your worries vanish and you fall so in love that it hurts, and somehow it all works out. If you ever get preggers in the future, you call me when you feel depressed!! :)