First Day


The week before was the hardest. I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster, crying at all of the most inconvenient times, drowning in sadness and weariness, trying to cope with all of these very big feelings about life.

There are so many triggers in my life this year. Just about anything can elicit an overly emotional and sensitive side of me, a side that lays dormant, that hides beneath boulders and deep in dark caves, where no one will know it lives until it is awakened somehow. Sometimes those triggers that wake it are loud as the echo of a cannon, while other times a mere whisper carried on the wind.

And so it was with the thought of this day arriving. The end of an era, the beginning of a brand new stage in life. It was the trigger to my overly emotional state, the momentary wake to its insomnia of a slumber.

I have been filled with nostalgia in preparation for this day. I have been reminiscing about days past, easier days, different days, days from which I have long since changed tremendously. We all have. You especially have changed. You have lost every ounce of baby chub you once had. You are tall and skinny and your face is that of a real boy now, with a soft dash of freckles sprinkled across the bridge of your nose.

Watching you grow and blossom into the human you are right now has been one of my greatest privileges. We have been through so much together. We have hiked up the hills of the hard phases and soaked in the sunshine of the good phases and ridden the waves of every phase in between. No matter what has happened, at the end of every day we know that we belong to each other. That we are yours and that you are ours.

And it seems so ridiculous, feeling all weepy because of Kindergarten, doesn't it? But starting school is so significant to me, such a huge milestone, such a momentous turn in the road. And it's the nostalgia that makes me misty-eyed, it's the heart-warming memories of a once chubby baby, of all the milestones we have crossed this far, that constantly flood my mind.

What it really all comes down to is this: I am so very proud of you. I am so very proud of your sweet kindness, of your delightful sense of humor, your independence, your cleverness, your abilities and talents, your optimism and drive for adventure and fun, the huge capacity of your heart that you reserve for genuine friendship and love.

You were so excited about school and it did not disappoint. You are naturally a quiet and timid soul, especially with new people, but you were oh so brave and daring walking into the unknown with your head held high. You were ecstatic because you feel big and grown up and I love that about you, that you love feeling big and grown up, even though I am not ready for you to be.

Thank you for being mine.

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