My thoughts on growing up.

Last night husband and I had big plans. Those plans consisted of boating. Leaving Jace at grandma's and boating the crap out of our Friday night. But then we had some issues arise, and...let's just say plans changed. So what was our backup plan? Swimming! We packed up our swim bag and headed out to grandma's house to pick up the little guy. But little guy informed us (in the best whiny, loud, word-less way he could) that he was tired and he only wanted to put up a fight and make our night miserable. Soooo plan b went right out the friday night window, and plan c took effect. Plan c - put Jace to bed and watch a Dateline murder mystery. Which was all fine and well (I love solving a cold case), but following the murder mystery came a special on NBC about the tragic shooting in Colorado. So we watched, and I cried, and became suddenly utterly saddened and discouraged at how horrible and cruel this life can be. My heart breaks for the families of the victims. What kind of person does such awful things?! My mind is blown, as it usually is after such tragic circumstances.

After the special ended I wiped away my tears and turned off the tv, vowing to stop watching the news because I can't bear to hear about all the awful thing going on in the world anymore. At this point, husband and I decided it might be more relaxing to sit around the campfire in the backyard. And we did just that.

We sat by the fire at dusk, swatting away bugs, and there began a long conversation about the one thing that seems to fill all our conversations these days. Money.

The sun slowly fell below the mountains, leaving us surrounded by darkness and staring into the mesmerizing blue and orange flames in front of us as we discussed how to earn more money, how to save more money, how to spend less money, how to get out of debt. I tell ya what, if there is one thing I have learned in my life since I graduated high school...the world really does revolve around money. And then you get married, have kids and get yourself a nice big mortgage and you realize it again. And again, and again, and again...

Well as we were deep in our money discussions, there was something else going on just feet from where we sat. The neighbor kids were having a Friday night sleepover on the trampoline. Remember those?? So here we were, discussing the more serious and troubling responsibilities of a grown up life, and all the while a group of kids were giggling and taking turns army crawling on the back of our rock wall to spy on us. Randomly we would see a little red head pop up from behind a rock, staring over the wall as if he were the sneakiest little dude in the land. He would then crawl back to the trampoline to inform his comrades of anything he overheard. (In which there might be a rumor starting in the neighborhood that I am pregnant, as at one point while my back hurt I said "I feel like I'm a pregnant woman!" only to hear a kid snickering behind me...) There was even a moment when one little army spy accidentally let out a little toot, which set off the whole trampoline in giggles.

Throughout our conversation of "well, we could pay this off by doing this..." and "how do we make more family time while making more money at the same time?" I was hearing little voices in the background saying, "Wesley has a girlfriend you know..." and "Tag, you're it!" and even a groggy, grumpy mom voice that called out "How am I supposed to sleep when you kids keep running past my window?!!"

I was a kid once. I remember sleeping on the trampoline and staying up late into the night, running around the backyard, spying on the neighbors, waking up in the morning to pancakes and a summer day filled with long walks to the corner mart to buy 100 penny candies. When the hardest thing in life was having to do chores before I could play with my friends. And even though there were grown up problems then, surrounding me on the news and in my family life, I was hardly aware of any of it. I was building forts, playing make believe, dreaming of how big the world was and what I would do in it. People didn't die, families didn't break up, money didn't matter. I separated no one by their religious beliefs and I could care less about nice clothes or worldly things.

And as I sat around the campfire, sitting next to the love of my life while my sweet little boy slept soundly in his crib, watching our little pup eating bugs and discussing how to come up with the money to put grass in our yard...I knew that I would never have that innocence back. That happy, go-lucky, not a care in the world innocence that every child having a Friday night sleepover on the trampoline has.

But rather, here I am living in this big, mean world. I have known pain and heartache. I am accomplishing feats I never thought possible. I am learning for myself, and following my heart against all odds. I have settled into a life with the people I love most. I am hard working. I am growing, and learning, and pushing myself everyday. And I'm doing it with a smile on my face, and a determination that comes from somewhere deep inside of me.

So although being a kid was so great, I feel like it really only gets better from there. It's hard and discouraging and a whole lotta work, but in an amazingly exhilarating way.

And really, life is much more fun nowadays. Because after sitting around the campfire late into a Friday night, having a good talk with husband and feeling all high on goals, I get to come inside to our very own home. I get to eat some popcorn right before bed, and then I when I brush my teeth for the night, I get to stop before the full two minutes is over. Because really, brushing your teeth for two minutes is just boring. Then I get to cuddle and fall asleep with my best friend in the whole wide world. And to top it all off, I get to wake up to this chunky little smiling face every single morning:



So all you kids out there, spying on our conversations and giggling, I'll just let you in on something that you might not hear very often. Life is good being a grown up. And I have a feeling it just keeps getting better...