iphone photo dump + work and school


// today was my second day back to work, and the boys' first day at their new daycare/preschool. my j-man was so extremely stoked about going to school, and of the entire day only two things truly disappointed him: that he didn't get to "wide da skoo-bus" and that he had to leave school. so other than the hot mess that was his mother, all in all i think it went really well.

and just to clear things up: i wasn't a hot mess because he's just growing up so friggin fast. mind you, that part is hard. but the hardest part about sending him to a new preschool is the worry. i wish i could hang a sign around his neck that says: i'm quiet and reserved at first, but once you get to know me i'll really open up. i'm very sensitive and my feelings are hurt very easily, so be cautious and kind. i'm still learning how to handle my strong emotions, so be patient with me. i'm really sweet, and really adventurous, and really fun. please be good to me.

you know?

i worry that the kids will be mean, or that the teacher won't know how to handle his emotions. and i don't just worry about the logical things. i worry that a psychopath will plant a bomb in the school, or that there will be a shooting, or that they'll be kidnapped. if anything happened to them outside of my watch i would never ever forgive myself, and so i just sit there and concoct all of the ridiculously horrid examples of the most awful scenarios that could happen in my mind.

this mothering thing is ridiculous sometimes.

anyway. i just love them so much that it hurts. i mean physically, there is an ache in my chest because i love these boys so much. it's stupid how much love my heart can hold. i keep waiting for it to explode! i'm just sure it will one day.

but this whole thing is always for the best. jace, he needs to get out of my arms and into the real world. he thrives off the routine of daycare/preschool. he learns from the experiences. he makes new friends and learns new creative things and how to stand up for himself without his mama there to defend him. and he loves it there.

he is one brave little cookie, i tell you. and a very sweet little cookie too.

so it's back to work. and while it's true that leaving the littles is never easy, i'm feeling the huge high that comes from being accomplished and staying busy, waking up early and getting out of the house before nine o'clock in the morning. i'm once again reminded how much better i function, how much happier i am, and in turn what a better mother and wife i am, when i'm working.

while my long break was oh so perfect, and oh so needed... oh how i missed it, working. it's good to be back in the game.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I feel you fellow mama! I wish I could hang a sign around my boy's neck too...