This darn heart of mine.


Let me give you an example of how I've been feeling about my life lately: Bowling.

I'm sure I went bowling as a child. I don't remember going, but I'm sure I did. However, the first experience I have that I really remember with bowling, was my senior year of high school.

When we were 17, my bff and I decided to pretend we were in college. We got tickets to the college basketball game and snuck into the student section with all of the other college kids. (calm down dad!) And believe me, we thought we were soooo cool, wearing our seashell choker necklaces and our tommy hilfiger shirts. 
They totally believed us! Everyone thinks we're in college! We totally look like we're 21.

 It was on one such occasion when we not only blended into the student section with pride, but we also met some college boys who invited us to go bowling after the game. (seriously dad, calm down!)

I remember bits and pieces of the night. I remember the car ride following them to the bowling alley. We were so giddy, yet feeling a tad guilty for lying to them about our age. We came up with our alibis, like what year we graduated high school and what our majors were in college. And even, what our fake phone numbers were. You know, just in case they asked for them later. (see dad? don't worry, we were smart.)

After that, the only other thing I really remember from that night is multiple gutter balls and my bowling score. A whopping 44. Yikes.

Well my bowling career just gets better from there. Not the sarcastic better, the real better. After high school, there were a few years where I became a bowling fanatic. I don't remember if I really liked it, or if it was because of the cute boys that worked at the bowling alley. Either way. My highest score to date was 182. Sure beats 44, am I right??! I even owned my own bowling shoes you guys.
 Pink ones.

And then, well...then I stopped going bowling for a while. Bowling. We have a strong love/hate relationship. Sometimes I go and I rock the socks off everyone around me. Then, more often than not, I get so many gutter balls that the employees consider making me use bumpers. My bowling is ridiculously inconsistent. On those days that I can't get the ball to hit a pin, I become a sulky 5 year old girl who huffs and puffs and stomps her right foot while exaggeratingly folding her arms and pouting her bottom lip. And I always swear up and down, that I am never, EVER going bowling. Ever. Again.

Back to the point now: how I'm feeling about life lately.
Yesterday I ran across a friend of a friends blog. (don't judge me.) I quickly fell in love with how beautiful her layout is. Obviously she has a knack for design, something I try and fail at often. And even more so, I fell in love with the amazing quality of her pictures. Obviously she has a knack for photography, another thing I try and fail at. And then I read her most recent posts. I quickly discovered that she excels at most everything I love, yet don't excel in. She is quickly turning into quite the entrepreneur. This girl, she is younger then me, had less time to try and practice then me, yet she is surpassing me on everything that I dream of accomplishing.

And then: Hello, sulky five year old. I see we meet again.

I know I have talents. I do, really. And I also know that my life is unbelievably grand.
But I also have dreams. Big dreams and passions that fill my heart to the brim. I feel like I was made for more than this, and I'm working at becoming that person I dream of being. Of doing the things I dream of doing. And although the majority of the time I live with my head in the clouds, with high hopes of the future, with a heart that  is filled maybe a little too full...
I do have days when I feel like everyone around me is better at everything that I want to be better at. And days when I start to question my dreams, and if they are at all possible for someone so inconsistently talented as me.

That's how I'm feeling about life right now.

...on that note. if you kept track of the days that I write posts where I feel discouraged, like this one, I bet you could figure out the schedule for my 'time of the month'. i'm just saying, there might be a direct correlation...
{husband rolls his eyes so hard they fall off his face}

1 comment:

  1. I feel much the same about life/myself right now. No fun. But on Facebook today, one of my friends posted "The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt."

    To go along with that, she said, "This quote has been my biggest inspiration lately! It's been motivating me to be my very best and to see my truest potential!! Love it! It really speaks to me. I thought it was so great that I wanted to share it with you. This quote can be
    applied in other ways too. Either way, this is true. Self-doubt is an enemy to just about anything. We are capable of so much potential to be great. Don't let self-doubt hold you back from being your best! Because we're great from the very beginning. :)"

    I think getting to where you want to be is all about finding that thing that makes you feel alive and going all the way for it. Easier said than done, but working for that is worth it. Just let go. Go crazy. And don't compare yourself too much with others. :)