thoughts on thirty


Tomorrow I turn thirty. Thirty years old.

The idea of my thirties is alluring. Thirty sounds romantic and adventurous and lovely.

But hold on, let's get back to that in a minute. Would you mind strolling down memory lane with me for a moment? I suppose I'm entitled to talking about myself. It's (almost) my birthday and the best thing about birthdays is that you get whatever you want. Cake for every meal and presents and no cleaning all day long! Although that's all a pretty regular day for me. womp wommmp.

Anyway, stroll with me.

Let's talk about my twenties. It's an obvious statement to say that I wouldn't be where I am today were it not for my twenties. My twenties were very eventful. I liked them, I learned from them, and I'm grateful for them.

My early twenties were some of the best years of my carefree life. I was young and dumb and I highly recommend that to anyone in their twenties. Stay young! Be dumb! Live carefree! I loved my early twenties so very much. College, roommates, dating and playing and not feeling the weight and responsibility of the larger aspects of life. I have the greatest memories from college, memories that I will never ever forget. and I made the greatest friends! oh how i love those college friends of mine. I was young and blissfully oblivious, and it was pretty perfect. It was the looking back you smack your palm to your forehead and feel pretty sheepish about the things you did kind of perfect. I think you need to do that sometimes. You need to do things that are stupid while you can. (And isn't that some sound parenting advice right there? My kids are doomed!)

I think my biggest regret of my early twenties is how awful my eye makeup choices were. Holy bananas, if I could go back in time I would slap myself. Stop it with the blues and the greens woman! You look ridiculous! But when I'm fifty, I imagine my biggest regret of my early twenties will be the time I spent in the tanning beds. Derp derp.

Then halfway through my twenties, through a pure act of fate, I met the love of my life and he changed everything. We dated for a long while, through which we became best friends and decided to get married. After we got married we thought, hey! why not make some little people to keep us company for the rest of our lives too?! So we went ahead and had two beautiful boys together. The second half of my twenties is dedicated to my boys, all three of them, and some of what will be the happiest and most memorable days of my entire life. The second half of my twenties were less carefree and more growing up. Not growing up in a miserable 'take me to neverland' kind of way, but rather in the kind of way where it felt right. Because that kind of responsibility isn't something to take lightly, but it's something that life had in store for me and through it I have had the most wonderful and needed learning experiences.

I think one of the best and also the hardest things I did in my twenties was to doubt.  I doubted things that I had never questioned before, and in doing so I found myself on a road in life that was far more beautiful than the one I had previously been on. Where I had once followed the crowd that surrounded me, I decided to take a very scary and very brave leap into the unknown where I could search for things I had never previously thought to search for. I followed the nagging of my heart and it led me down some pretty scary alleyways, so scary that at times I found myself wondering if perhaps my heart didn't know what it was talking about after all. But I made it to the other side of those dark alleyways, where it was like stepping into a celestial light. It was the kind of light that beat down on me so warmly and so strongly that it left not a single doubt in my weary mind that I had in fact gone in the right direction.

I found myself looking through new eyes with a heart more full of love and compassion than I knew was possible to have. I found understanding, patience and strength. By doubting who I thought I was, I found who I truly was. I do strongly believe that never, ever in the history of the world has there been only one path for every person. I do strongly believe that something can be true and right and good for one, and not at all those things for another. But for me, I thank God everyday that I doubted. I thank him for giving me strength to stick with what I so strongly believed in my heart to be true, even when it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I got through the hardest of that path in my twenties, and I'm very much looking forward to spending my thirties on the other side of it.

And as is true with every decade, I made a slew of mistakes in my twenties, all of which I have learned from and become better for. All of my mistakes have brought a wiser me, and that's always something to be grateful for.

Are you still with me? I'm sure you are snoozing by now, bless you. Let's leave memory lane and wrap this up.

I suppose my biggest thought on turning thirty is this: if my twenty year old self could see me and my life now she would be thrilled. She would love my sense of style. She would be giddy about my lovely two-story home. She would be impressed with my great job and my career path. She would love that I have stayed close to my very favorite friends, that we still have girls nights and vacations together, that our husbands are all friends too. She would swoon over these handsome, sweet little boys that I brought into the world. She would just love our cute rockie pup. She would be proud of my health and the physical conquests that I have conquered. She would smile at my handsome husband and how lucky I am to have someone who works so hard, who is so talented and so good to me and who makes me laugh everyday.

I remember her well, my twenty year old self. I remember her struggles and her hopes and her dreams. She truly would be proud of who I am now and so very happy to see how far I have come and how much I have learned. And I know her so well that I also know she might wish to jump ahead and in time and leave those twenties to be who I am right now. (I wouldn't let her, mind you!)

My dreams for my thirties are vivid and enticing. My thirties will be raising my boys in their younger years, watching them grow and not taking for granted these moments that go by so quickly. Traveling more. Seeing new places. Spending as much time outdoors as possible. Living simple and minimalist in my lifestyle. Getting out of debt, and giving more to charity. Making time for old hobbies and learning new hobbies. Pushing my limits and finding my strengths. Moving up in the world. Spending my time with the people I love most.

I'm just so looking forward to my thirties. I believe with all of my heart that this decade will hold some of the very best. I feel like my twenties were for learning and my thirties are for getting on with my life the right way.

Yes, I like thirty. Thirty will be grand.

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