Kings Peak

It was on our bucketlist to summit the tallest peak in Utah--Kings Peak.

The day before, as we packed and prepared, while we loaded all of the gear and food and water we would need, I started to get terribly anxious about the trip. I asked myself, WHY are we doing this again? Why are we not just going out to dinner and then binge watching Ozark this weekend like any sane human being?!

But it is of the utmost importance for me to constantly remind myself that every beautiful life changing adventure we have experienced has started with my nerves screaming "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?" and in turn, me pushing past my fears to do it anyway.

I suppose the thing is, sometimes I just want to really live, you know? I want to feel my lungs expanding in my chest and listen to my heart pounding loudly, reminding me that I am alive. I want to jump outside of my comfort zone for a time, outside of the ease and luxury of this life, outside of the mundane and the day-to-day routine. I want to feel some pain and fear, just the right amount, the kind that reminds me of how strong and capable I truly am. I want to ache for home so that I remember how fortunate I am to have a place called home at all.

I am a glorious mess of a human being, made up of scars and bruises and passions and flaws and emotions so heavy that it's a wonder I can walk at all.

So sometimes, occasionally, I just want to really live.